All Stressed Out and Nowhere To Go

Every year for the past 14 years, I had taken on BLACK FRIDAY as if it were an Iron-Chef Challenge. I was serious about that shit. After perusing the most enticing ads the previous night, I would shag my ass out of bed at 3 am, mainline a pot or three of coffee, gather my list in my caffeine-shaky hands and head out the darkened door, credit cards a'blazin. I'd hook up with my she-fellow shopaholics in the mall parking lot and start the no-holds-barred-shove-fest until every last request was crossed off my manifest. Then we'd all crash late-day at TGIFriday's, enjoying too many rounds of dirty blue-cheese martinis while double-checking our receipts and rubbing each other's feet. I know, it sounds gross, but it was necessary. You menfolk will never understand, and we don't care.

This year however, this divine 2009, I chose to sleep in. Drooled right through that too early morning siren and patted myself on the back. I knew I didn't need to be in line at Toys-R-ridiculoUS before the rooster farts since son #1 and son #2 no longer desire anything that you could actually "play" with. All of their wants are electronic in nature, so HUSBAND is in charge of those purchases on-line. (Oh boo-hoo, you have to face those frantic crowds on "shopme.com" whenever you feel like it as you are festering in your underwear, drinking a Vietnamese coffee. Cry me a frickin' river, husband- you don't deserve a dirty martini, no matter how much I love you.)

Nope...this year, I will nonchalantly gallivant to obscure stores in search of unique stocking-stuffers since that is really all I have to worry about.

It's a Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas and I have FINALLY figured it out...