Zumba Zumba Zoom

Zumba. It sounds like something exotic and mysterious, doesn't it? Say it with me now. Zuuuumbaaa. The word conjures up deep, dark forests. Hidden ancient cities. Big, black porn stars. Oops. Anyway, what is Zumba, you ask? (You're curious now that I mentioned porn. Admit it.)

Zumba is my newest addiction. However, sports fans, it's a GOOD for you addiction, so feel free to clap amongst yourselves while I shimmy into my way-too-tight leotard and head off to Zumba class!

With its fusion of hip-hop and Latin dance styles, you grind, groan, and groove your way into a sweaty skin-sack of stink, burning 700 calories along the way. The beats are pumpin', the hearts are thumpin', and the hips are humpin', all thanks to the gorgeous instructor's choreography that we are supposedly mimicking. Ya, right. No one in class can even come close to her "phunkiness", especially since the majority of our group is in their pudgy-butt forties, myself included. I mean come on....we think we still look cool doing the electric slide! The skipper at the helm of this dance-party, however, is an ultra-limber twentyish MTV video superfrau. Sometimes she shakes her tush so fast and so violently, I mentally move to the side so that I won't be struck in the face by the flying ass I know is coming my way. We all realize that we'll never be able to move like her, no matter how many hours of Zumba we stuff into our onesie, but it's fun to try anyway. And she doesn't laugh out loud anymore, so that helps.

The stuffy room is always packed, corner to corner and all hot spots in between - at least 65 women at a time. We do have our one token gay guy in class, whom we all adore. He goes completely ballroom at several points in the hour long get-it-on, and no one else does a sashay with such panache. Plus, we know he isn't trying to sneak a peak when we're bent over, grabbing our ankles and booty bouncing, since he has a vagina of his own and all. It's nice that way.

I cannot recommend this Zumba situation highly enough. Do a nice thing for yourself and try it. You might like it! Then you might love it. Then you might hop from gym to gym just so you can get your Zumba fix, like me. :)